How aware are we of our impact on others?

Sit back for a while and go back in time. Maybe a month, a year or maybe even ten years.

See if you can remember a time where you can relate to any one of the following situations;

…a talk you dreaded with someone you did not like.
…time you had to spend with someone you did not particularly like.
…a conversation you decided to have with someone despite knowing you would not be     understood.
…your worst fear coming true
…a time when you had an expectation from someone which did not happen.
… attracting an undesired result.
… a loved one breaking your heart for a reason you fail to understand.

Now go to that exact moment and try to remember the feelings which were present. Not only in you but also in the person you were with. It is highly likely that there was fear, resentment, lack of self expression, disappointment, lack of confidence, frustration and a feeling of “I wish this was over!”

No doubt most of us are very familiar with these feelings and that the more we have them, the more likely we are to experience the above situations regularly.

So what exactly brings about these dreaded negative feelings? I can almost hear some of you say "People!". It is so easy to do that, is it not? To point the finger at someone and accuse them of causing us distress. But did you ever realise that when we are pointing at someone with our fore finger, our other three fingers are pointing at us! Yet, we are so busy criticising others that we just cannot stop for a minute to ask ourselves;

"What is it that I could be doing which can be creating this feeling in others?"
"In what way am I responsible for their reaction?"
"What is my impact on them?"

Let us take one of the situations above as an example. A conversation you decided to have with someone despite knowing you would not be understood. No doubt many of us have experienced this feeling at some stage of our lives. It is highly likely that what we dreaded came true!

Why and how does this happen?

If we go to someone with negative thoughts and feelings, we project these feelings to them and bring out their negative thoughts or feelings. What is very interesting is, we do not necessarily have to be doing this verbally. Just being present with those feelings would be enough to have a negative impact on them. Enough to trigger these feelings to come out. 

Imagine Martin Luther King having said his famous sentence, "I have a dream!" but with disbelief or fear. Would he have had the same impact on the thousands of people listening to him? Would we be citing it now?

So, what to do?

• Just be aware of our impact on others.
• Cleanse ourselves of these feelings or thoughts.
• Know that we have the great power to create or destroy.
• Avoid being judgemental.
• And most of all ask the magical question;
  "What is it that I could be doing (consciously or unconsciously) to bring this about in others?"
  Just ask that and watch that space!"

May the best of you always help bring out the best in people around you!

Çimen Sevanç
Certified Professional Co-active Coach 
Professional Coach &Trainer
www.bodrum-lifecoaching.com